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MECHANISMS OF MEN'S OPPRESSION OTHER TRADITIONAL MECHANISMS
"Masculinity must be proved, and no sooner is it proved that it is again questioned and must be proved again ----- constant, relentless, unachievable, and ultimately the quest for proof becomes so meaningless that it takes on the characteristics…of a sport." ~ Michael Kimmel Ph.D, Sociologist An important social pressure statement used by boys to make each other fall in line is, "prove your masculinity". By this they mean that one should do things listed in the chapter "Male gender and sexual roles". And the most important proof is having sex with a woman. This statement is mostly used in this context only. Women too use the statement, often to force men to do things they are not prepared to do. It is a perfect way to fool men. Indeed men are fools to allow society to manipulate them. Surprisingly, this statement works. Men will do anything to prove their masculinity. They would even get themselves humiliated in public. Some examples are: - Men easily get into fistfights when their masculinity is challenged. - Men will have sex with any woman even if they don't like her, if their masculinity is challenged. - In a case study given earlier, boys in an army medical test were initially hesitant to strip in front of a female officer, who called on their masculinity to make them oblige. The above examples show how severe the pressure on boys is to prove their masculinity. The root of this whole 'proof' element goes back to the early tribal societies where men and women lived in separate groups, and men would hunt and fight enemies, while women raised children collectively. The male children would live with the female group till they reached adolescence. On reaching adolescence, a boy had to undergo a ritualistic test before he could join the male group, where he had to earn his 'manhood'. The ritual would consist of testing the boy's masculine strength needed to hunt, fight or do other important functions of men. For example, the boy would be required to jump from a high platform or climb trees to gather honey or jump over dozens of cattle, and other kinds of tests, which varied with culture. Only after proving his masculinity was the boy admitted into the male group. He could now join them in the hunting or fighting expeditions. Man is naturally inclined to live and bond with other men. To him, being admitted in the 'male' group is an extremely important instinct, even when he does not live in exclusively male groups. Today, society has manipulated this test to force men do things that has nothing to with masculinity. Today's tests do not judge a man's masculinity but thrust him towards forced femininity or harmful masculinity, which are at the root of his oppression. In today's world, proving one's masculinity is equivalent to proving one's enslavement, and thus proving one's foolishness.
"He has honor if he holds himself to an ideal of conduct though it is inconvenient, unprofitable, or dangerous to do so."~ Walter Lippmann An important masculine quality of the human male is 'honour', which also has its basis in the male instinct to live with and bond with other men. It is also related to proving one's masculinity. In the early tribal societies, when a boy failed in masculinity tests, he had to live the life of a lesser male who was ridiculed and mistreated. He had very few rights and little access to community resources. No man would want to bond with him, and no female would want to bear his children. Those who cleared the test and proved their natural masculinity still had to protect their honour, losing which they would lose respectability in the male group. Honour included fulfilling community obligations, being faithful to one's male companion, integrity, etc. Protecting one's honour usually required fighting one's enemy. It was possible to bring back lost honour by doing things like bringing back the head of an enemy. These men were especially sought after as lovers by other men, could mate with the best females, and had better access to community resources. Having sex with women was however not considered a particularly masculine quality, and many men, including highly honoured men, did not mate with women or produce children. Later societies manipulated both these concepts of proving one's masculinity and that of honour to force men into an emerging institution: marriage. The pressures have intensified through the ages. Even though the rules of masculinity and the values of honour have changed, men still care a lot about honour. But now the control of the society is no longer in their hands. They have no control over what is considered masculine or un-masculine. So their honour has become an important tool to oppress them. They are forced to do specific things or abstain from doing others, and honour would be denied if they resisted.
Enforcing silence on male issues "The cruelest lies are often told in silence" --- Robert Louis Stevenson In the old times, as part of proving their manhood men were expected to bear excruciating pain without showing a sign. Later societies used that pressure-to-be-silent to ensure that men also bear their oppression silently. Only, now the pain is not physical but mental/ emotional (and thus invisible). And the manhood that comes is a deception. This is the reason that in spite of the intensity and extent of male oppression going on for some thousand years, the most powerful human gender ----- man -- has not understood their oppression or taken any organised steps to resist it. It will not take much for them to fight for and take back their rights the day they realise their oppression and its mechanisms. Any discussion of masculinity issues is severely stigmatised. A complete silence is enforced on the issues men face in their struggle to achieve social manhood. Talking about them is believed to show men as weak and vulnerable. It is believed to 'expose' that they have problems fitting into the gender/sexual roles. Men are naturally supposed to have the qualities required by social masculinity. Therefore, men don't like to discuss their inner conflicts. If they encounter hardships, they learn to deal with them on their own. On the outside, they pretend as if achieving their socio-sexual roles is the most natural thing for them. The more quietly a person endures the resulting mental, emotional and physical pain, the more man he is considered. Thus men appear calm, in-control and powerful from the outside --- even though they burn within. Men wear innumerable masks to hide their wounds. When men look at each other, they only see each other's masks, which they take for real. This increases their isolation, since each man secretly sees himself as 'different' and 'lacking' and the other as 'perfect'. Men fail to relate with each other's pain and struggle, when every one of them is undergoing the same. Men end up suffering in silence and isolation, devoid of the comfort that they share the same pain. This also means that they cannot unite to fight their oppression. Men are voiceless in everything that should really matter. Their real issues never come out in the open. Neither does their pain or struggle. For the outside world, they remain the powerful and oppressive gender which does not have problems. They don't need any rights or outside help. They seem to be doing perfectly well. The modern heterosexual society propagates these masks of men as their real self and denies that there is any other reality than what appears ----- without anyone daring to challenge that view. This fake 'openness' of the modern world is thus even more oppressive for men. There can be no escape for men, no freedom and no real masculinity unless they learn to break their silence. That is the only way they can relate with each other's pain and find strength. Then only will they understand the social mechanisms of oppression in its entirety and can unite to dismantle it. This book is an effort to break the silence and bring out the hidden struggles of men.
"In the West, the knight always wins a maiden. In China (i.e. east), men who distanced themselves from romance and sex with women are praised for their self-control. If I were more skeptical, I'd be shocked that such a differing world could exist." ~ Jeffery Mingo Moderate self-control is an important characteristic of positive masculinity. It ensures that masculinity does not become negative and aggressive by channelising it in the proper direction. Its purpose is also to bring moderation in the indulgence of one's natural needs and desires. But the purpose of self-control has never been to suppress these needs altogether. All ancient masculine societies and traditions stressed on self-control as a masculine quality. Masculine men still pride themselves on their self-control/restraint. However, modern societies have exploited this aspect to control men's lives by requiring them to exercise extreme self-control in order to qualify for social manhood. The purpose of imposing this extreme self-control is to kill their natural needs and urges, which are an integral part of his natural masculinity. Thus the more severely men control their instincts, the more social masculinity and power they assume. The original masculine virtue of self-control has been converted into a negative feminine vice of suffering in silence. It is another important factor that has prevented men from retaliating, in spite of suffering for centuries. Thus the social masculinity brand of self-control harms men and their natural masculinity.
Next: - the modern and most severe form of man's oppression: Heterosexualisation of society
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